Previously: Chapter 1
Welcome back to the Emma Goldman Book Club, as we go through Emma Goldman’s juicily frank memoir, “Living My Life,” one chapter a week. I’m recording original audio so you can Goldman on the go. You can find the full text online for free here. Chapter summaries and discussion are for paid subscribers only. If you want to get in on the action, you can take advantage of our Black Flag Friday deal here:
Chapter 2: Between Two Fires
Poor Emma! This chapter is a bit confusing, jumping back and forth between St. Petersburg and Rochester, 1882 and 1889, et cetera. Still - a lot happens, including a factory worker collapse, Emma shouting at a foreman, a crappy first marriage, ostracism of the Jewish community of Buffalo, and much more. We also get this pristine quote:
“I will dance!” I declared; “I will dance myself to death!” My flesh felt hot, my heart beat violently as my cavalier swung me round the ball-room, holding me tightly. To dance to death — what more glorious end!
We also face a strong contrast between two archetypes of Jewish womanhood — Emma’s beloved sister Helena, who “had infinite capacity for suffering, for endurance, but she could not fight” — an almost sacred martyr. Then we have Emma herself, who is a firebrand and spends a lot of the chapter yelling, fleeing and defying social norms.
And then… there’s the sex.
One of Goldman’s great life causes was pushing for more sexual freedom—and her ambiguous and even outright traumatizing initial sexual experiences reveal why. Her nascent childhood sexuality, taking the form of fantasies, brings her delight, but an initial experience while working at a factory at 15 is closer to violent rape than blissful freedom. This type of sexual experience—overwhelming, at first exciting and then terrifying—feels entirely familiar to me, and with the exception of the man “unbuttoning her waist” (a corset or waistcoat?) it could be something any young woman experienced yesterday.
Seriously—I can’t sum up my 20s dating life better than Emma does here: “After that I always felt between two fires in the presence of men. Their lure remained strong, but it was always mingled with violent revulsion.”
Ditto with the bad marriage—how many abusers, like Jacob Kershner, use threats of suicide to get their way? Or refuse to deal with their problems (gambling, impotence) but enact violent impulses of control? Again, this story from the 1880s feels timeless in its shittiness. Poor, lonely immigrant Emma! She just wanted a dude who reads books and is nice to her.
Also timeless: Rochester is awful. The “Flower City” indeed.
I love the poignant detail of Emma asking for a raise on her pitiful wage (seemingly around $3 a week) in the boss’ office, where he has vases of flowers that cost $1.50 each—Emma has admired these “American Beauty” roses before but can’t afford them. Anyway, he refuses the raise, so she quits and gets a job at another factory for $4 a week. Suck it, Garson!!!
Tellingly, the chapter ends with the entrance of Alexander Berkman, a very significant figure in Goldman’s life. Cue entrance music!! Let’s hope the next chapter has better sex and lots of anarchism in it.
What did you think?? Sound off in the comments below!
Emma Goldman Book Club: Bad Sex at the Corset Factory