Help! I Think I'm an Impostor
The first installment of "Ask a Banner Carrier," a new advice column
Dear Banner Carrier,
What are your tips for handling impostor syndrome? I have recently started a new job that I love, but I still have to ask a lot of help from co-workers. I also have to speak a different language than my mother tongue, so I have some insecurities surrounding how I sound. Every time I have to ask for clarifications or need the help of a co-worker to answer a client's question, I feel like an absolute failure. I wish I could feel more confident about myself and being ok with not always succeeding on the first try.
Thank you,
Joan-Not-of-Arc
Dear Joan,
The story of the historical Jeanne d’Arc is a curious one, perhaps so memorable because it turned so many gender norms on their heads. And perhaps because it is a story of a woman who spoke with the full confidence that she channeled the voice of the divine. That kind of confidence—unshakable confidence, god-touched confidence, confidence that took a peasant girl to the head of an army, sword and banner in hand—is rare enough to come by that even the stories of it have survived hundreds of years.
I don’t know how to give that confidence to you. Or to myself, frankly. Here I am, answering letters from strangers as if I have some great wisdom to impart, when I myself drift my way through day after day and am never certain if I’m doing the right thing.
This I do know: a lot of people feel like impostors. More than you would imagine. I am certain that some of your co-workers wonder if they belong where they are, if they merit their positions, if their abilities are not betrayed by their production, even without taking the difficulties of a foreign language into account. Perhaps you can take some comfort in that assumed fellowship. Many of those who do not feel that familiar secret doubt have most likely exceeded their abilities, and their confidence is undue. Keep in mind, also, that everything you are doing is in a language that isn’t your own, and still you’ve not only achieved this position but are striving to fulfill it. Which makes everything you do doubly remarkable, at least in the eyes of anyone who cares to think about it. That’s hardly a “failure.”
Have your co-workers expressed annoyance or reluctance to answer your questions? Is this a feeling dictated by your context, or one that just wells up from inside? If the former, they are at best ungenerous, and at worst, consumed with the kind of petty office politics that make alienated labor even more of a drag. If the latter, I’d like you to remind yourself that there is no sin in not knowing something, that asking questions is the only way to get the answers, and that gaining familiarity with your position is a matter of time—and is more or less inevitable, unless you shut down completely in the face of your own fear. All these are bromides, sure, but they’re also more or less true. I don’t have a magical confidence potion, but I can tell you that the more clarifications and questions you ask now, the fewer you will have to ask later, and that habituation is always half the battle when it comes to any job.
The other advice I have to give you, Joan Not-of-Arc, is that you should consider getting a sword. And not just to be more like your namesake. I always find that holding a blade gives me more confidence, even if I do it in private. And they look pretty baller on any wall.
Yours truly,
The Banner Carrier
